Personal Credo

I don’t trust anyone until I have a reason to. Until then, there is a 50/50 chance that they’re trying to screw me over, and I will always rather be safe than sorry. If you betray me, you will only ever gain back 75% of my trust. They will get none of my secrets, but I will still keep theirs.

 I believe the best way to win an argument is to stay calm, explore the other person’s weak points, and wait until you find a sensitive topic. At the first sign of your opponent backing down, you should then start pushing that subject. The person’s natural defense will be to change the topic, do not let them. You can always keep them on the current subject by saying “don’t change the subject”.

I believe that if you’re going to cheat in a relationship, you might as well just break up with the other person. There’s no reason to waste their time and cheating is only going to make you want to be with them less.

I believe if you hurt someone who emotionally hurt you, you’re no better than them. If you allow a bad person to change your outlook on life in such a way that you begin doing the same bad things that they do, you’re worse than that person, solely for revenge on the world to make yourself feel better.

In short—stay calm, wait to strike, trust few, love a lot, and don’t seek revenge.

Sexual Awareness

Look for danger signals in a dating relationship.  If your partner restricts your activities, isolates you from friends, and displays jealous behavior, he or she may eventually rape and/or beat you

If you see a friend in a situation that doesn’t feel quite right, create a distraction to get your friend to safety. This can be as simple as joining or redirecting the conversation: suggest to your friend that you leave the party, or ask them to walk you home.

Walk with purpose. Even if you don’t know where you are going, act like you do. Try not to load yourself down with packages or bags as this can make you appear more vulnerable. Avoid putting music headphones in both ears so that you can be more aware of your surroundings, especially if you are walking alone.

The Circleof6 app. There are many such apps that can set off an alarm, alert your friends that you need help, or help your family keep track of when you’re home safe.

Try putting up a fight if the attacker approaches you empty-handed. 9 out of 10 rapists had no more natural defense than you likely do(unarmed). If you show them you won't go down without a fight, you could scare them off. Try pinching them where it hurts. If an attacker wraps their arms around you or is close enough to touch, first try to pinch them in one of two places: inside the upper arm (between the elbow and the armpit) or the upper inner thigh. Pinch hard; pinch like your life depends on it (because it could!)

◦Loudly scream, "Help!" or "Fire!". Do not yell out, "Rape!" or "I'm being attacked!". The reason behind this is called the bystander effect, which is a social psychological phenomenon in which bystanders are aware and witnessing an emergency situation but don't offer help. During a rape, bystanders may not help for fear of getting attacked themselves.

Of course, before accusing someone of raping you in this way, you should look really hard at your own choices. Don’t use a serious matter as a cop-out for decision you know you made just because you regret it. Don't make assumptions about a person's behavior.  Don't automatically assume a person wants to have sex just because s/he drinks heavily, dresses provocatively, or agrees to go back to your room.  

Know that you have the right and power to say "No" and the right and power to defend yourself against someone who won't listen to you.  If you say "No", say it firmly and directly. 

National Sexual Assault Hotline, 1-800-656-HOPE

Fear

 Fear? Why Fear? What is the point of fear? Obviously it was instilled in our genes to help us survive, but that was fear of death. Now we have “fear” of a lot of things – heights, water, snakes, spiders, and left turns… I’m not sure I can call that a fear, so much as a bad experience. Our ancestors feared death, but obviously had not experienced it before they feared it. So what makes all these other “fears” so different? Is it that we have become fragile as a species? Or, could it be that we “fear” these things because we cannot control elements of them. Do we fear them because they are outside our comfort zone? A person cannot control the speed of their fall. They cannot control what lurks beneath the surface of the water. They cannot control the actions of the snake and spider. They can’t control the other drivers while making a left turn…
If “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself” why don’t we fear “fear”? Because fear is familiar? Are we no longer afraid of death when it looms over us for so long? Are we not afraid of heights when we stand on the edge our whole lives? Are we not afraid of left turns because we’ve made so many?

 Fear Is Familiar

When fear becomes familiar, it becomes dull. It no longer has hold over what you do, thing, or say. It cannot define your space, but it will remain an obstacle. You can function under it, but do not hold your head high, or you will lose to fear. The only way to return to a life worth living is to remove fear. To remove fear you must throw yourself into your fear. Break the obstacle, because there is no “getting around it”. Unfortunately I believe that those that fear death do not have that choice. They must experience death through the eyes of others, and I believe that this is how some people become killers. Death is not controllable, they cannot be there when an elder dies. They do not know when a accident will occur. Therefore, they take it upon themselves, and give themselves control over the lives of others. For those people, this is their “control of death” how they stop fearing it. However; this is still my humble opinion. I am no psychologist nor an expert on killers. Only a self-proclaimed philosopher. One who has been close to death, and close to suicide, many years ago. And I hope that whoever may read this will keep my secret.

 

Keep My Secret

I have asked this of you, reader, because I want to trust you. I need to trust you. It was my fear to tell of my closeness with death via my own thoughts of suicide. And by trusting you, I was able to break my fear. Trust is key to throwing yourself into your fear. If you’re afraid of the uncontrollable, you have to trust the odds. If you’re afraid of left turns, you must trust that other drivers know what they’re doing. Trust is the key. Ultimately, the gruesome fact of killers is that they trust that how they choose to commit their crime will work. You must trust that you throwing yourself into your fear will not end you.
You must have trust, to break your fear, so that you may live a full life.

This I Believe

                When I was growing up, I was picked on a lot. I was awkward, shy, and always self-conscious. I was bullied for about 11 years, non-stop, with no friends to lean on (most of the time). But, I learned from it, and used it to shape my future. I believe in never regretting your past.

 In pre-school, there was a kid who would spend every second of the day we were together just trying to annoy me because he loved to see me get mad, and loved the attention he got every time I went after him. I used to tell the pre-school supervisors to keep him away from me, but they never did (in hind-sight, I see now that they really didn’t care what happened and they just sat around and waited for the day to end).

In Kindergarten, I was enrolled at an elementary here in Springfield, Missouri, where I made my first two best friends. Cameron, Kortney, and I were quite a motley crew. Cameron used to always know how to play it cool, and could always speak reason to Kortney and me. Kortney was red head with a face of freckles, and a strong southern accent. Then there was me, the weird kid who never understood what was going on.

There was a bully in our class who seemed to live to get us in trouble. Seeing as how he was also the teacher’s pet, it wasn’t too hard for him to accomplish. I specifically remember one time when I learned what it meant to be a true friend; our class was walking single-file outside, and the bully (who was normally on the teacher’s heels) was standing still waiting for the class to pass him. He saw me and started laughing. Cameron and I exchanged confused looks, until we got right next to the bully and he punched himself. Cameron and I shrugged at each other again and kept walking. Then the bully started wailing and hollering, making our teacher stop and see what was wrong. When we go back to the classroom the bully had developed a black eye and told our teacher that I was the one who gave it to him. I disputed his claim but our teacher would not listen. Seeing that I was fighting a losing battle, and not wanting the bully to win, Cameron said that he was the one who did it. He took the punishment to spare me. Unfortunately, I never saw Cameron after that year.

In first grade, I moved to a new school, after my parents got divorced. I would continue to be enrolled in this school district for the next 9 years. Over the course of those nine years I was made fun of, called names, and end up as a punching bag. By the time I was in tenth grade, I was dreading every day of school. One day, I didn’t want to go to school so much that I actually begged my father to buy the new house that had been offered to him in the next town over. I never asked to stay home, so my father took me seriously and told me that the only reason he hadn’t yet is because he didn’t want to “make” me change schools. After I told him I wanted to move, he un-enrolled me from that school and enrolled me in the new school.

While I was being bullied, I had closely watched and learned a lot about how people work. I learned how to use body language to my advantage. I learned how to use words with appropriate connotations to curve people’s thoughts. Thanks to that, I was able to be an important person at my new school. After a few months of being at my new school, I came out of the shell I had developed over the past 11 years of putting on a tough don’t-mess-with-me face and not talking to anyone. I was happy for the first time because I was accepted for who I was! It was at that point it had occurred to me how depressed I was from being bullied. I was close to considering suicide. I decided I would not let others at my school have to face the same problem I did and that I would help when I could.

Although I did not like getting bullied for 11 years, I learned how to love myself and let things roll off my back. Going through so much made me stronger and I like the person it made me. Because of that, I don’t regret letting myself get bullied.

What's In The Way?

I'm scared. The first girl I have been interested in since my breakup with my ex-fiancé, and I am scared that I like her too much, that I don’t know anything about her, that she will decide upon meeting me that I am not worthy of her time… and I am scared of her not finding me worthy, because I don’t find myself worthy. I don’t feel like I have been put through enough hell to be deserving of someone like her… someone who actually cares. I’m scared that she might be playing me, because she just got out of an engagement herself. I’m scared that her ex might come back and say that he abandoned the army and that he wants her back, and that she will go with him. I’m scared that I will waste (potentially) years of my life loving someone who is not truly mine. I’m scared that I have an ill fate and that if I waste too much time that the one person I’m MEANT to love will move on and I will never find her.

I’m scared of my future. Will I find Her? Will I have the will power and the good fortune to actually graduate from college and get a degree? If so, will I even get a job that I like using my degree? I know what I want for my life but so much of it is out of my hands, and out of my control.

I want to be fit, but in my own head, the hours, upon days, upon weeks, months and possibly years of working out and eating “right” is not even remotely worth the trade off just looking or feeling better. Because my lazy lifestyle makes me happy, but so would a good look, however, one requires constant work to keep.

What If...

What if Gasoline Was Water?
If gasoline was water, then there would be an abundance of it. But would it still be flammable? Would we all be in danger of exploding, or burning to death because there would be oceans of it? Would we still worry about “global warming”? or would we hypothesize and make excuses that because the planet is 75% water, that it wouldn’t be harming the environment? Because if we, as a people, are worried about the large amounts of Carbon Monoxide that our cars emit (regardless of how small the effect of it), then we would surly worry about putting that much water vapor in the air. Instead of having a layer of smog surrounding large cities, there would be a huge vapor cloud. The Humidity of the world would climb, and I’m sure that many places would end up having the same weather as Seattle, Washington! Who knows, Seattle might be the only place that doesn’t see a difference.

Then with all that moisture in the air, evaporation would decrease and our oceans would heat up (perhaps to the point of combustion?). However, I highly doubt anyone would need to use a humidifier ever again! Then in the winter there would be record snowfall all around the world (or at least in the same hemisphere). The Sahara desert might even see snow! Would could be worrying about “Global Cooling” by the time a few years pass.

What if we’re a Computer Program?
What if we are all actually entities in a very intricate computer program made by a higher, more intelligent, being? What if the Atoms that make up everything we know, are the pixels? What if world phenomena are just bugs in the program? If we were all just a computer program, does that mean that any form of “God” is a program too? Or would he/she be non-existent? Or maybe… just maybe, the writer of our programs, the one who coded our world into reality is our “god”… maybe Black Holes are computer viruses.

What if I could Teleport?
If I could teleport, I sure as hell wouldn’t be here! I would go and see the world, maybe live on my own in the wilderness, and teleport to town for supplies. I would run a mail service, offering “next hour delivery” for a Shipping and Handling charge of $100. I would hunt with nothing but a knife for sport. If I could teleport, I would probably also do charity work, like stopping someone from jumping, or save as many people as I could. I would also try to cheer up children in the hospital by dressing up as The Flash and showing up at their bed side, getting them toys from around the world. If I could teleport, I probably wouldn’t have time to enjoy my cabin in the wilderness.

Fascination

I love music, and I find sound just fascinating. To be specific I find sound resonance fascination. Sound resonance is when the natural frequency of something’s existence is fed into it, and that makes it become amplified. The most famous event of this happening that I know of is when a bridge in the 50s or 60s was experiencing some extreme wind gusts, and started tossing and turning. The frequency of this disruption matched the natural resonance of the bridge, and not long after words, the bridge failed, and sent dozens of people into the water below.

Another well-known experience of natural resonance is when an opera singer can shatter glass with only the power of their voice! The trick to it is not so much how loud they can sing, but how long they can hold the same EXACT note that matches the resonance of the glass! The volume of their singing will only speed up the process.
 
One of the main reasons that sound resonance is so fascinating to me is that it has the potential to destroy ANYTHING! A small device the size of a person’s shoe can destroy a sky scraper, in the right conditions, if the correct frequency is applied! And its destructive force is not limited to objects; People have a natural resonance. In fact, if you are exposed to a frequency of 7Hz for a minimum of 4 constant hours, it will begin to have repercussions! That’s because 7Hz is a person’s natural resonance. If exposed for 6-8 hours, death can occur.
 
I have had personal experiences with sound resonance.  When I was 16 years old, I got my first truck, a Dodge D150. My dad had pieced it together with donor parts from another truck of the same model and same year. It was gorgeous. As part of my birthday present, my dad had installed a sound system in it for me. I had a 300 watt amp, a 12” subwoofer, two 3x6 speakers, and two 4x4 speakers. I remember when I would drive to school, I liked to listen to “Are You Gonna Be My Girl” by Jet. When the into bass tempo would start up, I would stare, amazed, at my solid back glass because the bass was so close to its natural resonance, that It shook the glass. It would shake the glass so much that it rendered my Rear view mirror useless because of the constantly changing way the light would show through the glass.

 

 

If I Woke Up Invisible

If I woke up as invisible this morning, I probably would have been freaking out for a good hour. No doubt I would have been clumsy while trying to call someone, seeing as how I would need to rely solely on muscle memory. I would be equally clumsy trying to fix breakfast for myself. I would not come to class, since I assume it would be odd to have to try to explain to people why I am a floating outfit of boots, jeans, and a t shirt… unless there were some way that the clothes I wore would turn invisible too. In such a case, I would still come to class. I would be in my pajamas, because I would feel no need to dress up to look presentable.

Blue

“Blue”. The nick-name that I gave my first truck. An 87’ Dodge 4x4 with a gas-hogging 318 under the hood. “Blue” became my pride and joy, and also became known to be quite the party wagon while I was in high school. My father pieced it together from two junked ones that he picked up cheap on Craigslist. He intended it to be a surprise for my 16^th birthday, to be given to me after I had passed my drivers test.