This I Believe

                When I was growing up, I was picked on a lot. I was awkward, shy, and always self-conscious. I was bullied for about 11 years, non-stop, with no friends to lean on (most of the time). But, I learned from it, and used it to shape my future. I believe in never regretting your past.

 In pre-school, there was a kid who would spend every second of the day we were together just trying to annoy me because he loved to see me get mad, and loved the attention he got every time I went after him. I used to tell the pre-school supervisors to keep him away from me, but they never did (in hind-sight, I see now that they really didn’t care what happened and they just sat around and waited for the day to end).

In Kindergarten, I was enrolled at an elementary here in Springfield, Missouri, where I made my first two best friends. Cameron, Kortney, and I were quite a motley crew. Cameron used to always know how to play it cool, and could always speak reason to Kortney and me. Kortney was red head with a face of freckles, and a strong southern accent. Then there was me, the weird kid who never understood what was going on.

There was a bully in our class who seemed to live to get us in trouble. Seeing as how he was also the teacher’s pet, it wasn’t too hard for him to accomplish. I specifically remember one time when I learned what it meant to be a true friend; our class was walking single-file outside, and the bully (who was normally on the teacher’s heels) was standing still waiting for the class to pass him. He saw me and started laughing. Cameron and I exchanged confused looks, until we got right next to the bully and he punched himself. Cameron and I shrugged at each other again and kept walking. Then the bully started wailing and hollering, making our teacher stop and see what was wrong. When we go back to the classroom the bully had developed a black eye and told our teacher that I was the one who gave it to him. I disputed his claim but our teacher would not listen. Seeing that I was fighting a losing battle, and not wanting the bully to win, Cameron said that he was the one who did it. He took the punishment to spare me. Unfortunately, I never saw Cameron after that year.

In first grade, I moved to a new school, after my parents got divorced. I would continue to be enrolled in this school district for the next 9 years. Over the course of those nine years I was made fun of, called names, and end up as a punching bag. By the time I was in tenth grade, I was dreading every day of school. One day, I didn’t want to go to school so much that I actually begged my father to buy the new house that had been offered to him in the next town over. I never asked to stay home, so my father took me seriously and told me that the only reason he hadn’t yet is because he didn’t want to “make” me change schools. After I told him I wanted to move, he un-enrolled me from that school and enrolled me in the new school.

While I was being bullied, I had closely watched and learned a lot about how people work. I learned how to use body language to my advantage. I learned how to use words with appropriate connotations to curve people’s thoughts. Thanks to that, I was able to be an important person at my new school. After a few months of being at my new school, I came out of the shell I had developed over the past 11 years of putting on a tough don’t-mess-with-me face and not talking to anyone. I was happy for the first time because I was accepted for who I was! It was at that point it had occurred to me how depressed I was from being bullied. I was close to considering suicide. I decided I would not let others at my school have to face the same problem I did and that I would help when I could.

Although I did not like getting bullied for 11 years, I learned how to love myself and let things roll off my back. Going through so much made me stronger and I like the person it made me. Because of that, I don’t regret letting myself get bullied.